Putting progress back into perspective

On Sunday, a group of parents came to see us with their children, all of whom are 'special needs' children. In this case, they suffer either from autism or cerebral palsy. 

The few hours we spent together were extraordinary. Each child reacted differently. Some were scared initially and then eventually warmed up to the horse. One boy decided he did not want to get anywhere close to a horse, which was fine. Another kid, the one in the photo, had a fantastic time just gently strolling around. 

I didn't sleep very well that night. Not because I was anxious or stressed but because I had an uneasy feeling in my stomach, a feeling which I knew deep down had been developing for a while but which had suddenly grown to the extent that I could clearly feel it. I eventually fell asleep only be to woken up a few hours later by one of the dogs crying. She never cries at night so I knew it meant I had to take her out, which meant I may as well take all three of them out. 

As I walked around in the middle of the night with the three dogs, that uneasy feeling suddenly turned into a very clear idea, a concept, a realisation. It dawned on me that, while so many of us have incredible aspirations, high level goals, there are many others for whom doing something simple like walking, talking, or holding hands will need close to a miracle. 

Lately, I have been seeing (and reading!) a lot of articles shared about minimalism, about simplifying life, articles written by people who say "What if all I want is a mediocre life?". 

A few months ago, my brothers had a heated disagreement. One of them asked the others: 

"What would you do if your child wants to be an Olympic sprinter? He loves to run. But you can see he's not very good at it. What do you do? Do you encourage him to follow his dream even though you know it is most likely illusory? Or do you tell him the truth, which is that you love him very much but that, perhaps, he's just not made for running?"

The brother who asked the question argued it was less cruel to tell the child the truth, rather than to let him face reality which will most likely bring an even more cruel disappointment. Let him focus on something else, let him find something else he might love and be good at. 

My other two brothers completely disagreed, saying that it was important to encourage a dream, and that nothing is done without dreams. Dreams are what push you to surpass yourself and your limitations. 

Those looking to simplify their lives, the story of the woman saying 'Can I just have a mediocre life please', is the same story as that of the parent who tells his or her child to moderate his or her expectations. It is the position of someone who counters the value that society is feeding us, according to which we must always thrive for the best, achieve the most. 

We must be incredible, look incredible, do amazing things. This pressure is exacerbated in this global village that the Internet has turned the world into, a village where the random dude sitting behind his screen - whom you've never met - has become as important as your neighbour's aunt. You know, the one whom your parents or great parents might have cared about. 'What will they think?'. The 'they' has turned into thousands, even millions of people who have direct access to you via social media. 

Whereas before the pressure came from your parents, we are now the source of our own anxieties. Our parents are telling us to slow down, relax. But we have so many things to achieve because it's no longer okay to have a job and a family and to be healthy. We have come to despise mediocrity. That's why we can't even post a photo without a filter. 

So we want to be better. That's a good thing. But what about putting progress back into perspective? What if becoming better didn't mean having the body of a model, partying like a Hollywood actor or driving a Ferrari. What if becoming better meant thriving for the next step, as small as it may seem, whether it is being nicer to your spouse, getting drunk once a week instead of twice a week. What if becoming better was accepting and being ok with a healthy body and not obsessing over becoming like those on magazine covers? 

We shouldn't bench mark against others in this global village but against ourselves, in a kind and accepting way. Then it would not matter if you're a slow runner, as long as you've run a little bit faster than you did at the last race. And even if you didn't, you tried and that counts for a lot. 

I think that if we put progress back into perspective we wouldn't have to be on either extreme of the 'progress spectrum'. We would not have to chose between wanting to be rich, beautiful, happy and famous and being 'mediocre'. We could instead thrive to be nice with ourselves and learn to grow in our own way. We could then hate ourselves less when we struggle to achieve these very tough goals which we set for ourselves when we see that global neighbour doing so well. 

Part of why so many of us spend so much time behind screens is because life online seems easier than real life. Or rather, real life seems so much harder. But if we could make real life easier, take the pressure off, relax, enjoy again, in a normal way, not in a compulsive this-will-be-night way, then perhaps we will all find it easier to step outside and learn to hang with our okay-selves again. 

Because it's should be great to just be okay.