Old age

I just came across this article about an Indian woman living in the UK who decided with a group of friends that they will, when the time comes, pool their resources together so they can spend the last part of their lives together. She talks about the Indian family system where several generations live together and ageing parents don't have to worry about the logistics of, well, growing older. She also says that nowadays, having children is in no way a guarantee that someone will be there for you when you grow old. In any case, (and in the western world at least) it is commonly agreed that you don't have kids just so that they'll take care of you when you're old (and if you did you'll be disappointed). 

I'm in the opposite situation to that woman, I am a westerner living in India. Yet, I find all her points very relevant. In India too, things are changing, and more and more ageing parents are left to grow old alone or in special homes.

Many of us have heard stories of, or experienced ourselves, ageing parents who do not want to leave their houses to go to live in an old people's home yet don't have a choice. I also remember my grandfather complaining that all the other pensioners in his home were too old!

We all know that it's coming our way yet we don't talk about it, let alone do anything about. That is, until that article. 

One of the main flaws in her idea to eventually live together is that by the time they would really need to, they probably won't want to. My grand mother recently told me she watched a documentary made by a young woman about her own grand mother. In the documentary, it was clear that the grandmother felt lonely when no one was around but annoyed as soon as someone did visit. My grandmother said she completely understood that feeling. 

If you asked western grandparents whether they'd like to live with their children and grandchildren, or asked adults if they'd like to live with their parents, everyone would probably say no, arguing they like being independent and they are too used to their own ways and routine.  

In our world of electronics and social media, we don't need others like we used to and are increasingly physically alone. The good side to our communications tools is that we can log in and out as we want, the bad side is that we're less good at being physically present with other people, especially for an extended amount of time. 

So perhaps one way around growing old alone is to anticipate it way in advance. In the case of the girl in the article, they should all probably move in together now - when they actually want to live together - so that they can get used to it by the time they're old. I'm sure that if you asked an Indian grandmother living in a multigenerational home how she likes it, she'll have plenty to complain about, but she's had years to get used to it and so has her family. It didn't happen over night. In many ways, a big part of her adult life and her child's life was in preparation to that. 

I'm not 30 yet, but chances are my generation will live older than 100 years. That gives me a good 40 years to plan things out. Who knows what else they will have invented by then!

The original article is here.